And Now for Something Completely Different…

Because Reasons, I ended up writing this weird little crossover fic for Assassin’s Creed and… well, you’ll see. Full context after the story.AssassinLogo

Daylight. New York City. The middle of a crowded street.

Not the optimal situation to pull off a hit, strictly speaking, but this is the way we work. Hiding in the shadows of skyscrapers and in the midst of a mass of people… it has more impact that way, I suppose. A warning to the rest of the world that this is what happens to evil men. I’m not really sure of that, though. I was never too in tune with the philosophical side of the Order.

That’s not what I joined up for. 

I pause in front of a reflective window, checking my disguise. I may stand out a little, with this dumb red and white-striped beanie, but it makes me look about as threatening as a napping kitten. This kitty, however, already has some claws. I check the contraptions on both of my wrists; the safeties are off and the blades ready to spring out at a moment’s notice. I take a deep breath, and I turn on my Sight.

The Sight is the first thing they teach you when you join the Order (well, the second thing. The first is that damn Creed that I can’t make heads nor tails of). For as long as it takes, anywhere from weeks to months, all you do is stare at the Assassin encampment from a vantage point. Day in, day out, nothing but staring and meditating. By the fourth week I thought I was about to snap, but then it happened. The world became a palette of dull hues, with the occasional splash of vibrant color. Potential hostiles appeared to be glowing red, and one thing–a scarecrow that I had been told was my target-was golden.

My Sight activated, I survey the street in one long sweep, searching out my target-ah, there he is. Glowing gold as the wealth in his vault, the bank owner Alexander Conroy, a high-ranking Templar (though they go by different names these days). He is surrounded by bodyguards wearing plainclothes, but with my Sight they might as well have been wearing neon signs.

The next thing that the Order teaches you is how to move through a crowd, as noticeable as a light breeze. I put on my false glasses and join the throng of people, using the crowd to disguise myself while I move swiftly towards the target. If you know how to move and how to give off the correct body language, my Master told me, then you could move through any crowd without a single person noticing you. Took me months to master, but now I’m as close to invisible as one can get. After a few moments, though it feels like an hour, I am standing behind the rearmost bodyguard. Time to wait for my window of opportunity.

The moment comes swiftly, a random stroke of luck. A man trips and falls onto the bodyguard, toppling the both of them. The entire party stops and turns around, one of the other guards gives the fallen a hand up while the man who tripped apologizes profusely. This is my chance, everybody is distracted. It is time for the final thing that the Assassins thought me.

The kill.

I move swiftly towards my target, activating my Hidden Blade. The blade slides out, as quiet and sleek as a panther. The target looks up, however, and he sees my face.

The bastard recognizes me!

I have fractions of a second until he calls out to his bodyguards. I speed up, moving directly towards the target, hoping that I can silence him before he reveals my presence.

I make it.

He only has the chance to make the smallest sound before my blade pierces his flesh, sliding at an upwards angle from under his jaw. The sound stops, and his eyes go dull.

I retract the blade and drop my calling card at his feet. Then I move past him, infiltrating another small crowd of people. Walking away, I count the seconds until one of his guards notices their boss’s crumpled body lying on the sidewalk.

One. Two. Three…

“Boss? Boss! Shit, he’s dead! ASSASSIN!”

I allow a small smile to play across my face as I walk away. The last thing I hear before they are out of earshot…

“Fuck, where’s Waldo?!”

Full context: My friend posted this in our facebook group, which got me to thinking. I wanted to do a drawing of Waldo as an Assassin, but I’m no good at drawing, so I wrote this instead.

Waldosassin

Weirdly, this is one of my favorite things I’ve ever written… so, there ya go.

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